If all else fails, move the fuck out.
I’m not an expert on these things, but I know what I know from living three+ years with an alcoholic. I didn’t know it at first, it’s hard to see others’ faults/diseases/whatever when you’re in the bliss period.
Things I have learned (to do or not to do) when living with an alcoholic:
1. As stated in my previous post, don’t let them egg you into fights. It’s easier said than done, and you’ll be swallowing a lot of hurt, but please just don’t do it. Save your hurt for later, when they are sober and can see what they’ve really done by their actions.
2. It is not your fault. It began a long time before you came into the picture. Let me repeat:
IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT.
- no one ever told me that. I had to figure that one out myself, too. There’s no Living With An Alcoholic class they place you in when you’re a kid or teen or college age person, or any age for that matter. I’m sure if you’ve found my blog by using the tag “living with an alcoholic” as many of you do, you know this by now.
3. Realize there are reasons why they drink. They are much more complicated than you’ll ever be able to understand – however, the addiction is the simplest part to understand. They. Just. Can’t. STOP.
4. Don’t pick fights with them while they’re drunk. That’s their job. Leave your comments/screaming/shouting/crying to when they are sober. It has more of an impact. Did I say this already? Good.
5. They will not wake up one day and decide, “I’ll quit drinking today!” and manage to do it. It doesn’t happen. Stop hoping for it. Stop hoping; start acting.
I can’t count the number of times I’ve cried because of something he’s said or done while he was drunk. I cannot count the fights, I cannot count the wasted money, I cannot count the cases or bottles. There are too many, there is too much. If he knew about this blog and read it, what might he say? He’d be angry, he’d be upset, he’d say I’m telling lies? I don’t know. I don’t care. I’m done putting forth the effort to react to him anymore. I’m done reacting. He’s going to start acting or I will act my way out the door.
6. Make up your mind if you’re going to either: a) lie down and take it and think that this is all there is – that you are hopelessly stuck loving someone who has such a terrible addiction or b) fight tooth and fucking nail for them to wake up and continually reinforce that their behavior is unacceptable. It’s a hard choice. Thus far I’ve chosen (b). We’ll see if any of it helps/hurts worse…
7. Don’t ever let them scream at you. During said phone conversation mentioned in the previous post, he literally screamed at me, so loudly that I couldn’t understand what he said. I asked him what he said, then he said, “Fuck it, I’m done.” and hung up on me. The next day, I mentioned this and advised him that I will NOT tolerate him behaving like a 2 year-old and will not tolerate him treating me like a little child, and will not tolerate this type of behavior any longer. This is what broke the last straw for me. He literally screamed at me, which he’s never done before. I don’t deserve that; neither do you.
8. You deserve respect and love and to be treated in all aspects of your life as a loved human being. If they cannot manage that, then they are just not worth it.
9. If all else fails, move the fuck out.
